Death in the Living Room
Sunday we were a small group. Some were traveling, some were sick, some were tired. Some sick AND tired.
Ex-neighbor came with one of her sons. She’s been taking care of her dying mom the last couple of months. She asked us to pray for her mom and the family. She felt grateful for some of the progress they had made this past week in their relationship.
Ex-neighbor called Monday at about 5 pm to inform us that her mom had died. They’d decided against a funeral, but the casket is now in their living room and some close friends and family will gather together on Wednesday to eat cake and drink tea. Wife and I dropped by for a visit this morning. We were warmly welcomed and we viewed the body (you couldn’t miss it) and we drank a tea together. Ex-neighbor’s husband asked questions about God’s will on cremation (I think it should only be for dead people) and then wanted to debate. But Wife and I just sat and listened. We asked if they wanted to pray. They did and we all did. Ex-neighbor then told us that early on Sunday she had awakened to find her mom unable to sleep. She gently washed her mother with a cloth and rubbed rose oil all over her body. Her mother kept saying, “I am so, so spoiled. This is so nice.”
Ex-neighbor told us today she did not know she was preparing her mom’s body for death, but now she knows. She said you never really understand that when doing something, you’re doing something that may have long-term significance.
Sometimes it just comes to you later.
Ex-neighbor came with one of her sons. She’s been taking care of her dying mom the last couple of months. She asked us to pray for her mom and the family. She felt grateful for some of the progress they had made this past week in their relationship.
Ex-neighbor called Monday at about 5 pm to inform us that her mom had died. They’d decided against a funeral, but the casket is now in their living room and some close friends and family will gather together on Wednesday to eat cake and drink tea. Wife and I dropped by for a visit this morning. We were warmly welcomed and we viewed the body (you couldn’t miss it) and we drank a tea together. Ex-neighbor’s husband asked questions about God’s will on cremation (I think it should only be for dead people) and then wanted to debate. But Wife and I just sat and listened. We asked if they wanted to pray. They did and we all did. Ex-neighbor then told us that early on Sunday she had awakened to find her mom unable to sleep. She gently washed her mother with a cloth and rubbed rose oil all over her body. Her mother kept saying, “I am so, so spoiled. This is so nice.”
Ex-neighbor told us today she did not know she was preparing her mom’s body for death, but now she knows. She said you never really understand that when doing something, you’re doing something that may have long-term significance.
Sometimes it just comes to you later.
November 14th, 2006 at 1:09 pm
Having the deceased laid out at home is something people used to do a lot of when I was a child. I remember my Uncle Roy dying when I was about 5. They were going to bring his body to our house, and I can remember my mom spiffing up the living room and moving furniture so the casket would fit. I was terrified. Thankfully, somebody changed their mind and the funeral home was used. More recently (well, more than 30 years ago), Doris’ brother and sister-in-law were killed in a car wreck in Mississippi in December. Sister-in-law’s parents insisted on doing it the old-fashioned way, and the wake was held in a farm-house down a gravel road. We sat up all night, with somebody keeping a fire in the stove going, and others sleeping everywhere. (Complete agreement with you that cremation should be only for the dead!)
The story about your ex-neighbor washing her mom and rubbing rose oil is a very touching one. What a wonderful experience that must have been for both of them…….to be made to feel so special in the last hours of your life by someone you love and who loves you - and what comfort this will be for the daughter to remember in the future. Thanks for sharing this.
November 14th, 2006 at 3:23 pm
Personally, I think that is how death should be. If my son’s plans to manage our own mortuary come to fruition, I think we would put up a sign: Cremation only for the dead. Just to avoid the inevitable confusion.
November 14th, 2006 at 3:35 pm
There’s a Python sketch here somewhere.
I appreciate your thoughts about the unknown long-term significance of what we do. It’s probably best that we don’t know…that we just do.
November 14th, 2006 at 5:14 pm
Truly a Mary Magdalene moment.
November 15th, 2006 at 9:23 am
I’m glad you and Stephanie just sat and listen to them. Here in the United States, we have classes on how to become better speakers, but no classes on how to become better listeners. When it comes to mourning, no matter what someone is feeling, the best thing to do is sit there and listen to them. I have mix feelings about coffins in the living room. I would not find it scary, unless it was the body of someone I did not trust and love. I am not for open caskets because I don’t want my last look at them to be their empty, cold body. I know we don’t always have that choice, but when I do, I usually respectfully say no. I would rather mourn with pictures of them when they were alive and be surrounded by people they loved, then be near their empty body.
November 15th, 2006 at 5:11 pm
I think cremation for the living would burn out just like most fads.
When my Great-Grandmother passed away (I was in 4th grade) they held a “Wake” at her home in Kentucky. Last for a few days. I remember having a great time with all of my cousins.
“Ditto” to Randy’s comment.
November 15th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
Isn’t it interesting that when we come face-to-face with Death, that we have the urge to debate and to pray at the same time?
You and Wife were good to sit and listen. Just like God does, I would guess.
Anointing with oil is a good thing. Cremation for the living, I’m not so sure.